I’m fully prepared to start 2009, but I plan to make this last day count.

source: ffffound.com/

I woke up at 6am and have already made sufficient progress in my day, so far:
-I have read through 154 feeds in my google-reader, more are sure to come…
-Found and downloaded some new tunes, 8 new albums to listen to today
-Tousled Pushkin-the-cat
-Currently making this post

To do:
-Go swimming: 100 laps
-sit in whirlpool, possibly sweat a little
-sit in steam sauna and sweat
-sit in dry sauna and sweat
-Tousle Pushkin-the-cat til he is sufficiently tousled.
-Finish my book, North & South by Elizabeth Gaskell, I began it yesterday, but I’d like another 2008 book under my belt
-Finish version 2 design for this site
-Finish version 2 design for Colorado College ATS site
-compute, compute, and compute some more!!

I don’t smoke…
and never have…
And yet I find smoking photographs intriguing.

source: ffffound.com/

I found this old email of mine. I admit I hold on to some for various sentimental reasons, but ultimately it is to remind myself of where I was so I don’t forget and repeat the same mistakes again.
I have these phases that I go through though. I enjoy purging memories. I go through it every year where I just want to stay anonymous, simple, and even…forgetful of my past. I try to lose parts of myself only so I can rebuild/ recreate myself all over again.

I wrote this when I was 20. I was in NYC going through various episodic dates (and psychological phases) this was a response to someone who asked me for the truth about dating and finding another. I find my response to be a little ironic and hypocritical just based on what I know about myself, now, in hindsight. I remember how hard it was for me to find someone remotely interesting in NYC because everyone goes through such pains of putting on airs. I see I was going through a Buddhism phase too. Funny to me. I’ve read and gone through various stages of understanding belief systems and organized religion. I realize now I was trying to disprove my reasons for being an atheist. I’ve failed in that goal. I can’t see there being a higher power. In the end it seems like a “power” used for self-delusion.:

source: polanoid.net
via: ffffound.com

“While on paper I endorse it, I usually don’t embrace it in real life.”

Being honest with yourself… it’s something that most people refuse to do. Maybe it’s instinctual or natural response to not wanting to deal with reality. You’re making dating monotonous. It’s becoming typical and probably boring. Each person you meet becomes less and less interesting. Possibly, in part of the medium and the places you’re meeting some of them.

You cant meet someone when you’re tired of it all or if its a set-up of predictability… it prevents “raw-fire”…spontaneously being hit by an acme anvil…brutally painful, powerfully raw, piercing and unforgettable. You did mention buddhism…balance, stability… it seems you reached a stumping koan, not only with women but in “an ideal condition of rest and harmony” life…nirvana etc.

If samsara appears “distrusting,” “jaded,” or “false” in any sense to us, I think the fault lies with us, not samsara. Although it may wear the appearance of paradox.

In an attempt to give a reasonable account of our own personal attitude towards the more serious business of life, you philosophize when you reflect critically upon what you are actually doing in your world. What you are doing is of course, in the first place, living and life involves passions, faiths, doubts, and courage the critical inquiry into what all these things mean and imply is cyclical, its unending.

I would say something along the lines of brutal advice, but coming from someone like me, on a personal scale, it leans towards hypocrisy. Then falls into a pile of ‘futility’ that we all seem to have and for some odd reason, we still hold on to.

Advice, GENERALLY speaking: less lip service paid to higher values.
In meeting someone: the sparks, significance, care and all, takes patience and willingness to risk personal time.
and last of all: pause, occasionally stall, but ultimately…
stay true, suck it up, and keep going.

written by:
yours truly,
09/05/2001

Oh yes. Yes indeedy.
My google-reader looks much better.

source: helvetireader.com/

Zeha-Berlin have such great old stylish boots. I found these on lark.me, a great store in Vancouver, British Columbia. (As far as I can tell the only store that happens to carry more than one style of Zeha Boots.) I can’t wait ‘til they open their online store. They offer unique style finds in general.
I’ve ordered the first boot without any decoration simply because they didn’t have the second boot in my size. However, I remain hopeful for spring. They should have more colors and sizes for the second boot!

Urban Classic Boot, Dark Brown, no decoration

Urban Classic Boot, Dark Brown, with Decoration:






source: zeha-berlin.de/
via: lark.me

I love this.

source: robertdoisneau.com

I really dislike it when you’re excited to share something you know or just discovered and then someone listening interrupts and says, “Yeah I already know that.” Even if the rest of the group is unaware.

source: flickr.com/photos/dinosonic/

Last night I had a dream I was alone walking towards a dune in a desert. As I continued to walk, I saw parts of the sand shift in front of me. Little ants in a uniform group began to emerge. As they scuttled towards me they morphed into flying wasps. I remember standing there, it was windy and very dry. I was very placid and held no emotion while they continued in my direction. I also remember thinking of being scared, but never actually showing that fear.
As I read more about dream immagery and the meaning behind dream images, I realized how discouraging my dream is.
Deserts are empty, desolate, lonely places,
Ants are hard workers, but what are they doing in the middle of the desert? And why did they morph into wasps? Wasps are angry insects. Why were they headed straight for me??
My dreams are always mystical to me, but I am never disappointed in the surreal storytelling. I wonder if it is actually my own mind at times or if it's someone elses in a far off parallel universe. I'm such a realist in the waking hours I can't fathom how my mind creates such beautiful imagery.
I'd like to live in a my dreams I think it would be fascinating to be in a place where the laws of the universe and the rules of every day life don't apply. Then it would be reality that is the strange-unique place to occasionally visit
Still, I know I can't live in them, I will continue to log them in the hope of understanding the insanity that exists in my subconscious.

Independent Filmmaker Spike Lee will speak tonight at 7pm in Armstrong Hall at Colorado College.
Exciting!

source: filmoutsider.blogspot.com

My favorite film, Institute Benjamenta.
One of the Brother’s Quay’s feature length works. I’m impressed with their cinematography. It’s beautiful…very surreal, dreamlike, and exquisitely lighted. The sound work also impresses me…I love the male choral singing towards the end of this clip.
I’ve been wanting to see it again for a very long time. And damn NetFlix must only have one copy because this was the first film I put on my list.
And you should also know…that was back in 2003.

Clip: Can You Hear Me